Reset your RSS feeds and bookmarks ladies and gentlemen. JP and I have spent the weekend packing up our belongings. Pyle of List is moving! But don’t worry, we haven’t gone too far. You will be able to find us at our new home, http://pyleoflist.com. It might look a little bit different, but you can still expect to receive the same usual combination of sports merged with pop culture, and anything else we see fit to write about.

Please join us at our new digs. If you get lost, just follow the trail of interviews and Kobe jokes.

(New and improved with a cool photo)

Okay, I love this show. As a Kings fan, I used to loathe Shaquille O’Neal. Thought he was a fat, lazy, uninteligent oaf. I hated everything about the Lakers (still do). Anyway, Shaq goes and does something like this show…and TOTALLY redeems himself! I can’t get enough. Although, it probably helps that he’s no longer a Laker.

This week started out with James telling us that he misses pizza the most, calling it “flamingly delicious”. James seems like a pretty normal kid, but that’s a phrase straight out of WeHo. He also tells us that school food tastes just like fast food. Oh yeah, the burp count for that 45 second interview was only two.

It’s clear that this episode is going to be centered around school lunches. Shaq is watching footage of the cafeteria at the school. There are “Mexican pizzas”, french fries, fried chicken strips, cupcakes, etc. As one boy enjoys his meal Shaq exclaims, “Big boy is killin’ that cornbread!” We also learn that rewards like cheeseburgers are given for academic performance. The Big Personal Trainer and Chef Tyler Florence visit the school cafeteria to see just exactly what they are up against. After some searching, they find the “salads” which are basically three pieces of iceberg lettuce, a slice of tomato, and a couple shavings of carrot in a condiment cup. I think I’ve seen more salad on top of a Big Mac. Now we’ve got the Challenge kids exercising their civic right to pass around a petition demanding healthier lunches.

After commercial we come back to see the workout room where the kids are underachieving again, namely James who is doing his signature move of standing on the edge of the treadmill with one foot and sliding the other foot along the treadmill belt like he’s riding a super slow skateboard. Way to feel the burn James. Mr. T, the trainer, says the kids lack of effort is giving him ulcers and tells Shaq he needs a little break. Shaq tells him to have more fun with the kids. T makes a face like more fun will literally kill him in his cross-trainers. Just when I was hoping that they’d hire Chuck Norris to lead the kids in a lesson on how to perform the perfect roundhouse kick, Shaq shows up to play dodgeball. He proclaims to the camera, “I never lose in dodgeball.” He’s right, he destroys the kiddies who, coincidentally, look like they have never thrown a ball before. Walter finds his weakness, “My butt is a dodgeball magnet!”

Getting back to the school lunch problems, we learn that Chris the Cuban was eating good meals at home, but his father figured out that his son was not losing weight because of the heart attack platter he ate for lunch every day. Once Chris started bringing his lunch with him to school, it was game-on with the weight loss. However, Walter says, “Actually, I love school lunches. They’re delicious.”

Now we’ve got Chef Tyler doing some time with the lunch ladies to see what goes on behind the scenes of a cafeteria that serves 1300 lunches every day. That doesn’t even include the breakfasts they make too. The head lunch lady tells us that she feels the lunches are “nutritious as far as fast food goes.” Isn’t that kind of like saying, “Mike Tyson is pretty normal, as far as crazy people go”? Chef brings Shaq and the kids to his test kitchen to try out some recipes he has planned for the school lunches. The meal devolves into a burping contest. I think we all agree here that Shaq won, hands down.

Chef shows up to the cafeteria kitchen at 6am ready to make turkey wraps served sushi style. Irene, the lunch lady, with eyes full of skepticism says, “I ain’t never had sushi before.” By the way, let me tell you a little bit about Irene. She’s probably in her 50’s. She sounds like she’s been smoking two packs a day since she was eight years old. She doesn’t like Chef Tyler and it’s painfully obvious when she tells him not to get in her way. So really, she’s just a beam of sunshine in the kitchen. She also complains that the turkey wraps are not going to work because there’s not enough labor or time. The best part of the whole sequence goes to the editors who made it appear as though it took Chef three minutes to make each wrap. In the middle of it all Irene drops everything and says it’s time for her smoke lunch break. As Chef and the lunch ladies scramble to get lunch out on time, the lines start to back up. Some students end up being 25 minutes late for class because the lunch line was so long. There were lots of turkey wraps in the trash. Not good times. Afterward, Chef instigates a kitchen-wide group hug and tells the camera that it was an “unorganized step in the right direction.” I think he’s finally realizing how tough it is to make fresh, healthy meals for 1300 students in 6 hours. I tell ya, Lunch ladies are battle tested veterans.

We’re about to see our first reward motivation here on the Big Challenge. Shaq tells the kids that once they’ve each lost 20 pounds they will get to go to a Heat game and watch the game from a luxury box. James has been slacking during workouts lately and is constantly dogged by Mr. T. All this negative attention has been making James threaten to quit the program. T assigns Kevin to try to help motivate James because Kevin was a slacker at the beginning of the show (gained three pounds and told the other kids he’d actually lost nine) but in his own words he has “come back with a vengeance.” At the weigh in here are the breakdowns:

- Walter lost 20 pounds

- Ariel lost 27 pounds

- Kit lost 22 pounds

- Kevin lost 20 pounds

- Chris lost 20 pounds

- James lost 15 pounds

When the other kids find out that James is still too fat to go to the Heat game they are livid. Walter goes on this huge tirade with flailing arms and stomping feet in the hallway, but only at the end of the rant do we realize that he’s alone in the hallway and isn’t actually talking to anyone. Ariel actually has a some balls and confronts James threatening him not to mess this up for everyone. Kit, who inexplicably has some sort of artwork (maybe a cross or a…crow?) painted under her left eye, asks for James to promise everyone he will lose the weight. Shaq sends a petite little nutritionist to James house to make sure that he is indeed eating the right foods at home. She tells him he should be eating lots of broccoli, carrots, and green beans. The looks of horror on his face lead me to believe that, perhaps, he has not been following his prescribed diet.

In an effort to give the kids a change of pace with their workouts, Shaq draws some inspiration from Rocky. Today the kids will try to catch live, clucking chickens for their workout. Walter’s running in circles and Chris is yelling, “C’mere chick!” The chicken chase degenerates into a free-for-all wrestling match. Shaq starts passing out some wedgies just for good measure. During the wrestling matches, Shaq takes some time to set James straight. It’s one of those tough-love sort of encounters, but after James ensures the Big Fella that he’ll stick with the program and keep working at the weight loss Shaq says, “I love you.”…(I’m shrugging my shoulders right now.) Later, T decides that maybe wrestling would be a workout James can get more excited for. They wrestle around for a while and James talks about doing a “spinebuster” on T and kicking him in his “small groin”. I guess James is still harboring some pent up anger towards his Big Challenge arch-nemesis. The best part of the wrestling match didn’t have anything to do with James or T though. It was Walter playing Dance Dance Revolution in the background. I nearly hyperventilated laughing when the camera caught that gem.

When it comes time for James’ new weigh-in, the kids wait in the hall while T and Shaq weigh James. Then Shaq brings the kids back into the gym and tells them that James didn’t lose the five pounds, but actually gained five more pounds. Everyone looks like they are about to riot when Shaq tells them he was just kidding, James lost the five pounds. Shaq and Mr. T celebrate by dancing like 40 year old white men.

The kids rode to the game in a Hummer limo. As they all wear Shaq jerseys, the Diet Coke flows like wine. Another belching contest ensued. The kids entered the American Airlines Arena by red carpet, got their pictures taken with Shaq and Dwyane Wade, sat in a luxury box during the game, and met the Heat cheer squad at halftime. From my personal experience at an LA Kings game, luxury boxes are awesome. Provocative reporting, I know. I guess the name “luxury” kind of gives it away.

Next week, we learn that the school board is nixing the 20 minute morning workout program, that lots of broccoli is getting thrown in the garbage, and Kit is still morbidly obese. Before they sign off for the week, Walter treats us to some native African dancing he learned in his PE class. I can only describe it as…invisible hula-hooping?

The Infamous Walter

Propose a fight for Fracas Friday.

Righteousness v. Coach K and his cult of basketball dribbling infidels.

What teams do you follow? Sports?

We support the righteous legion in Carolina Blue. 

We closely follow college football and hoops.  And of course the NFL.  Most other sports provide a diversion along the path to enlightenment, and fodder for our blog.

What is your greatest athletic achievement?

Playing college football.  Well, actually, there was no achievement as “playing” would mean actually getting on the field.  Is wearing a uniform and standing on the sidelines an “achievement”? 

Why do you blog?

We identified a void in the vast expanses of blogfrica.  Many sports blogs claim to offer an alternative and un-agenda’d view of sports.  But they simply relay information from the big .com’s, with a little of their own opinion in the mix.  Our vocation is not just relaying information, but locating the motives and the truths as sports relates to existance.

In other words, our calling to blog is profoundly more noble than dick jokes and photos of women bursting out of bras and wearing thongs.  Thongs tightly wedged between the round, succulent orbs that, one would imagine when they dance, bounce and roll in rhythmic undulance to a primitive beat as they send off an erotic vibe that stirs the inner most instincts of……yes, um, gratuitous photos to attract the simple minded readers.  We are above those seductive and fleshy tactics to draw a readership.

What are the origins of your blog?

Quite honestly, we initially started off with your typical sports blog.  And, while we did gain a bit of a following through frequent linkage from TBL and deadspin; we realized that our take on sports had been skewered by a desire to be mainstream.  We realized that the first step in righteousness in blogging is to be true to oneself.  Hence, we now shed darkness onto light and have contributed what many would call the most socially relevent sports blog in existance. 

What do you want your blog to be known for? What do you personally want to be known for?

It’s not what we want our blog to be known for, but what our blog is known for.  The masses flock to our teachings to find reasonable, unbiased and correct interpretation of the important events in sports.  They come away with a better understanding of themselves, and in turn, the world around them.  Our mission is to introduce you to yourself, so that you might be a better citizen and neighbor when you are introduced to others.

Personally, we have no ambition to be known.  Our reward and recognition will be delivered in the next life.

 Do you want to do this for a living?

Teaching righteousness is an existance.  The notion of making a living “blogging” is a symptom of a lazy intellect.  To sit typing away and scouring the net for material is not living.  We pity those like Will Leitch that are enslaved and beholden to such a role.  We pray for his “freedom” at every prayer session.

Thoughts on the present and the future for the blogosphere. How does it fit with the mainstream media?

Sir, we presume you occassionally, at least, read our blog. Therefore, we request that in deference to the original bloggers that you refer to the amalgamation of blogging as blogfrica.

Now, blogs are becoming part of the mainstream media.  Of course, as with any “social” change, there is friction.  But culture is fluid and ever changing.  Therefore, blogs will eventually become on par as an accepted mainstream endeavor.  Good blogs.  As with any other medium, there is a self correcting mechanism that weeds out the ineffectual and irrelevent.

For a long time, the mainstream has belittled and ignored blogfrica.  But that is rapidly changing.  For instance, and I hate to bring his name up again, Will Leitch of deadspin was recently on ESPN radio.  Up to now, such an appearance was unheard of.

In the same light, NOIS was recently invited to be on a show on sportingnewsradio.com.  Obviously, that isn’t as huge as ESPN, but the notion that a blog like ours would be recognized by an outlet of The Sporting News is obviously indicative of a change in thought by the mainstream in relation to blogs.

How do you maintain such an extensive staff?

If you have read our blog for awhile, you are aware that we didn’t start out that way.  All, save our business manager, are volunteers.   The rest bask in our dark and righteous glow, hoping to grow as people and eventually branch out into blogfrica on their own.

That, and we made them up.

Either way, Petros and Money were kind of enough to do an interview with me via e-mail. Here’s my brief interview with Petros Papadakis:

Both of you have been in the radio game for awhile at various outlets but never together. How did you guys wind up doing a show together?

Money and I developed a friendship through KROQ and my old show on 1540

And when I left my old station it seemed like a natural move 

Please share something interesting about Money that we may not know.

Matt has a beard and is verrrrrrrry particular

With a shockingly impressive resume in the music world 
 

Fight Club Forum is an excellent radio feature. So much so that we ripped it off here with Fracas Friday. Where did the idea come from?

I developed the idea through an intern on my old show

Give us an idea of what your day looks like when you’re doing the show. How do you prepare?

We write and leave room for improv

Try and share an office and stay out of each others way

The show has deceiving structure 

You guys get some great interviews on your show. Who are your favorite people to talk to?

People that say things and understand how to be a guest I don’t care how big the name 

In that same vein, are there people you’re still star struck by?

Musicians and Lasorda and anyone from the sac bee 

There are a few standard questions we ask everyone we interview and we’ve gotten some great answers (no pressure): What is your greatest athletic achievement? What are the three best sporting events you’ve ever seen live or in person? Would you be so kind to create a personalized Top-5 list?

I don’t show up at events unless I’m being paid

But USC- Fresno St in 2005 was unreal

Peninsula high v Leuzinger high 99

Cal-USC 2003

Rolling hills high v Torrance high 1990

Peninsula freshman v Bell Gardens 2006

All football 
 

What advice can you give anyone out there trying to break into sports media?

Find an in

Get lucky

Freak out 

Where do you see the future of mainstream sports media in the next 5 years? How will blogs play a part in that?

Radio serves people in their cars

They are our captives in la

Blogs and the web have destroyed local news and newspapers 

How did you transition from college athlete to sports media figure? Was that your goal?

I have no goals but to keep working

I got lucky

I never thought of this kind of work

Someone called me and put me on TV 

We have a big USC following on our site, so can you indulge us with a USC football story?

We used to do lots of things undercover when we sucked

I don’t know where to start

Plus I can’t type

Just this took a half hour

Sorry 

You called Matt Leinart a “douche nozzle” on your show and it’s an alarmingly good phrase. How do you feel about adding that word to the vocabulary of listeners’ everywhere?

I stole it from a listeners email

Still like it? 

Either way, Petros and Money were kind of enough to do an interview with me via e-mail. Here’s my brief interview with Matt “Money” Smith:

How did you guys wind up doing a show together? 

I put P on the ROQ to talk USC football, and we kept in touch from there on out.  

Please share something interesting about Petros that we may not know. 

He’s got a giant Pat the Bunny Mural on his Wall

Give us an idea of what your day looks like when you’re doing the show. How do you prepare?  

Lots of prep. Some days/weeks in advance for the features. watch the games, go to the games, read about the games, and keep up on everything in the world, from Politics to Pop culture.

You guys get some great interviews on your show. Who are your favorite people to talk to? 

Old guys and wide eyed kids. Not even close…..

In that same vein, are there people you’re still starstruck by? 

I think the presidential candidates are pretty cool.  

There are a few standard questions we ask everyone we interview and we’ve gotten some great answers (no pressure): What is your greatest athletic achievement? What are the three best sporting events you’ve ever seen live or in person? Would you be so kind to create a personalized Top-5 list.

Bulls Championship, Kobe 81, SC-Texas Rose Bowl-A Cubs comeback in the 15th with a Geroge Bell Grand Slam to win it against the Sox, Pats/Rams Super Bowl

What advice can you give anyone out there trying to break into sports media? 

Intern when you’re in college, people will let you in the door if you’ll work for free.

Where do you see the future of mainstream sports media in the next 5 years? How will blogs play a part in that? 

Instant information, all about the internet/radio/TV 

Where did the nickname Money come from? 

gambling habit, given to me by Jimmy (Kimmel)

You have one of the most unbiased views of the Lakers in LA (besides Vic the Brick, of course…). How does that affect your interactions with the team and Lakers employees? 

I’m never malicious, don’t take shots, so they’re fine with me keeping it level.

I think you’re probably the coolest music guy I know of in the sports world. Any suggestions for a guy that barely gets beyond what’s on the radio?  

Check out CMJ.com they’ll get you started. Some of my favorite things right now include All Smiles, !!!, Rodrigo y Gabriela

Come find out at Epic Carnival! You’ll be able to catch Lunchbox and I over there if we’re not here.

Also, next week is going to be awesome. Just trust me. Here’s a sneak preview of what awaits:

His spooning is class,

But will his mighty arm match?

Dawgs with 10 wins? Natch.

Can you name that SEC Quarterback?

Last night the Beckham family arrived at LAX to much fanfare, as I found out watching the news as I went to bed. There were so many people and reporters that they actually had to erect a barrier. To most folks, that probably sounds like standard fare at the “Airport to the Stars,” but I assure it is not the case. When asked about it, an airport representative called it “very rare” (Channel 11 News). The setup of the airport is not very media friendly, but they squeezed in there to welcome Beckham to America. I hope they realize that Becks has actually been to America before.

As I drove to work this morning I flipped on ESPN Radio and lo and behold, it was Beckham’s introduction/press conference. Rarely do press conferences make the radio and rightfully so. They are excruciatingly boring to listen to without the visuals and this one didn’t even involve actual questions from the media. The last one I can remember was the TO suicide drama press conference (Remember that? Was that not an insanely interesting sports moment?). I decided to listen anyway for two reasons: 1) Beckham’s voice, which will never stop being funny to me and 2) Alexi Lalas is a lock to say something ridiculous. Needless to say, it didn’t disappoint.

Some British guy spoke, sounded like an owner or something, and then passed the mic to Alexi Lalas. Sadly, nothing too crazy from Lalas. Then Beckham spoke briefly, which is always worth a good laugh. He managed to throw around a few cliches and called the sport soccer which will probably cause The Daily Mail to print a special edition tomorrow morning.  But my favorite moment came from recently disgraced LA Mayor, Antonio Villaraigosa. When he was introduced, he was booed vehemently. Easily the strongest reaction of the day (LA fans catching on?). And his speech for the rally? Getting the crowd fired up for Beckham. I couldn’t have written it any better. If you like unintentional comedy, girly British accents, and a disgraced mayor trying to fire up the crowd booing him, you’ll need to find a way to listen/watch this one. If anyone has a link to any audio or video, drop me a line at pyleoflist@gmail.com and I’ll put it up.

So Beckham-ania is at a fever pitch today in the City of Angels, but how long will it last? And more importantly, will his impact be for soccer or celebrity?

 Sources: Channel 11 News, Signal to Noise

The first thing you need to do today is go to The Big Lead and check out The White Reggie Bush. Have you done it now? Good.

Today’s Word of the Day? Triskaidekaphobia. It’s the fear of the number 13 or the 13th day of the month.

Sactownroyalty has the latest on the possibility of Yi Jianlian (I call him Leon) being traded to the Kings. My jury is still out on how I feel about it. I wish Isaiah was willing to give up David Lee in a trade for Artest personally. They also have speculation on the recently revived Bibby-to-Cleveland rumors. (D-Bo, these are for you.)

Okay, that’s about all I can muster for today. Sorry for the brevity, but I’m off to go swimming.  Have a great weekend blogland!

The show starts out with a mini-recap of last week: Kit was taken away on a stretcher during a workout…Shaq had a showdown meeting with the local school board regarding physical fitness in schools…Chris, the chubby Cuban boy exclaimed, “I miss ice cream. I NEED ice cream.”

We start out with Shaq telling us that Kit’s father has pulled her from the program after she collapsed during a workout. Shaq takes a trip with Doc to Kit’s home to try to convince her father that she should rejoin the program. Mr. Kit is upset, won’t allow cameras into the house and drops F-bombs like George Carlin. He finally concedes to allow Shaq into the house, by himself, with no cameras. They talk it out, and Shaq wins him over with his Shaq-ness. As they leave, the Big Fella says, “He’s a great father. We need more men in the world like him.”

Now that the group is whole again, Shaq declares, “Enough talking. A little more rocking.”

Mr. T (Tarik Tyler) is the hardass trainer assigned to whip the fat out of their lives. He looks like a cross between Billy Blanks and Clubber Lang, only with a salt and pepper goatee. At this point, Kevin has apparently gained three pounds since starting the program but tells his compatriots that he’s lost nine. So we’ve got a liar on our hands. But it’s okay, because he has this to say about himself, “I’m a leader, and it’s a burden sometimes.”

The plan is for Shaq and the Doc to team up with Shaq’s coach from LSU, Dale Brown, to give a pitch about their proposed school workout plan at a teacher’s meeting. Shaq is getting pretty serious at this point and tells the Doc, “Like my good friend Eminem says, ‘You only get one shot.’ ” As the pitch day approaches, it turns out that the Heat are requiring that he travel with the team to visit wounded veterans at Walter Reed Army Hospital and possibly the White House too. He’s out, leaving the Doc and Coach Brown to carry the torch.

When we come back from commercial, the Doc (who resembles a younger Mr. Clean) is bombing his presentation at the teacher’s meeting. We haven’t seen a speech this disjointed since Champ Kind professed his unrequited man-love for Ron Burgundy. THANK GOD Coach Brown was there. I can see why he was a coach, he’s doing a great job motivating these teachers to care about the health of their pupils. He’s dropping scary fact-bombs on them like he’s a bombardier over Dresden. “Obesity is killing more children than guns in this country.” “Obese children are 80% more likely to have type II diabetes.” Boom! Boom! You can tell they audience of teachers has goosebumps at this point. When he finally concludes and asks who wants to help save these kids’ lives, everyone rises to give him a standing O. It was a moving performance.

A few weeks later, the in-class fitness program launches. They do 20 minutes of stretches and calisthenics during homeroom. Some boys were checking out the girls during toe touches. Some kids were giggling. But overall, it seemed like they were enjoying themselves. Who knows if that was at all influenced by the cameras in their faces and the chance of Shaq stopping by their class. Meanwhile, Shaq has one of those “I’m rich, I’ve won four NBA Championships, and now I’m a reality TV star” smiles on his face.

This was filmed about nine months ago, because it’s Halloween: one of the most hallowed days of the year in a young fatty’s life. Shaq and Mr. Clean are worried that the kids are going to have a lapse in judgment tonight. We learn that Walter is going to be passing out candy to trick-or-treaters all night and playing a new video game. It’s okay though because Walter’s mom is a genius. She bought candy that he hates. James, however, goes trick-or-treating with his dad and proceeds to eat his own weight in candy as he rolls around on his living room floor. Mr. T makes him pay for it later. There is a budding rift growing between those two.

The kids are all getting weighed in to check their progress at the two month mark of the fitness program. Here are the winners so far in reverse order:

6. Kevin: -3 pounds

5. James: -8 pounds

4. Chris: -9 pounds

T-2. Ariel and Kit: -11 pounds

1. Walter: -15 pounds!

When we come back from commercial we learn that the fitness program got shut down “by the man.” A new superintendent of the school district has kicked Shaq, Mr. Clean, and the TV cameras out of the schools because he is worried that it will “reflect poorly on the district.” When Mr. Clean tells Shaq the bad news, to show his rage, he knocks over a cheap looking stereo in his gym in a pretty mild manner. Shaq tries calling the superintendent, but he’s out of luck. The guy is on a “f*cking retreat.” Later he gets call blocked. The guy isn’t even picking up his phone at this point.

Meanwhile, it seems that James and Mr. T may need to have an intervention. James complains to Shaq that T is always yelling at him. Shaq tells him that’s how it is sometimes. “You don’t think Pat Riley yells at me?” You know what Shaq, I don’t think he does. I think he’s afraid of you. But that’s just one humble blogger’s opinion.

As the episode winds down, things are looking up. The superintendent pulls his head out of his ass and allows the fitness program to continue. The fat campers all improve on their mile time, most of them by at least three minutes. The only negative is that Cuban Chris was a no-show for the fitness test. Could we have another Shaq house call next week?

Before they sign off for the week, we get a preview of next week’s episode:

- Shaq makes a deal with the kids that as soon as all of them have each lost 20 pounds, he’s going to bring them to a Heat game with floor seats and locker room access. The problem is, James is not keeping up his end of the bargain and the other kids are getting pissed that he’s standing between them and a White Out.

- Walter is trying to catch a live chicken with his bare hands. I don’t know what to say…

Until next time Fat Campers!