(Disclaimer: The following may contain facts interspersed with fiction.)
In a battle of two ex-teammates from what seems like a lifetime ago, John “Am I a Starter or a Closer?” Smoltz outpitched Tom “I’m a 41 year-old Staff Ace” Glavine in a 2-1 Atlanta victory over the Mets. Smoltz earned his 200th career victory with the win. When asked about how this compares to his first MLB victory the future hall of famer responded, “Well, Moses was catching for me at the time and he actually had to come out to the mound three times in one inning because I didn’t know the hand signals.” The interview fell apart from there because Julio Franco tried to interject himself, but it was all gibberish and wheezing without his false teeth.
In Auburn Hills last night, Lebron James and a band of misfits from the local Y played the Pistons tough on their home court for the first half, establishing a 12 point lead. In the second half, Coach Brown thought it would be safe to bring the real team out of the locker room. Long, painful story short, the Cavs scored 26 points the rest of the way which was just enough to lose by a heartbreaking three points, 79-76. Pistons take a 2-0 series lead into a frightened Quicken Loans Arena on Sunday. Gotta love the NBA playoffs huh?
Rio and Vista, the mama humpback whale and her baby who made a wrong turn and ended up in Sacramento via the Sacramento River, have yet to find their way home two weeks later. The Coast Guard and other authorities have been trying to herd them back to the San Francisco bay with a combination of tactics including but not limited to: playing recordings of killer whales eating gray whales, hammering on metal pipes dangling in the water, fire hoses, and the sweet, sweet smell of homemade apple pie. With little success and a lot of soggy pies to show for their effort, officials are yet to be deterred and will resume their efforts today. After so much mental anguish, there is no word yet on how much the bill for the whale therapy sessions will be.